God, the letters to the editor in the Chronicle have been dire lately. Bozeman is the epicenter of the mini-scandal involving Brian Schweitzer, a pedestrian tunnel, and a bunch of people who believe that the dinosaurs are just a really big scam. For those of you who missed it, here's what went down, as reported by the Associated Press:
Speaking to a crowd of school children, parents and teachers in Bozeman on Friday about global warming, Schweitzer asked how many in the crowd thought the Earth was hundreds of millions of years old. Most of the children in the audience raised their hands.
He then asked how many believed the planet was less than a million years old. At least two people, including Koopman, who was in the crowd, raised their hands.
During an interview later with the Bozeman Daily Chronicle, Schweitzer noted Koopman's response. He said some people believe the planet is only 4,000 to 6,000 years old, despite geological evidence to the contrary.
Schweitzer said he needs support from a state Legislature that will help move Montana's agenda forward, ''not people who think the Earth is 4,000 years old.''
Ever since, Chronicle readers have had to endure an avalanche of letters from people who do believe the Earth is 4,000 years old and who are offended--terribly offended and hurt, I tell you--at Schweitzer's lack of respect for their beliefs. I swear I'm going to body-check the next person who writes in to tell us all about how the persecution of Fundamentalist Christians is the last acceptable form of bigotry.
Here's a news flash for all of you FCs out there: You control the country. The Presidency. The Congress. The Supreme Court. We arrange our national calendars and working weeks and spring breaks around the birth/death/rebirth of your savior and the observation of your sabbath. If these are the results of rampant prejudice, I'd like to get me some. In fact, where can I sign up to be the world's most oppressed majority?
The thing is, even with my beliefs on the subject (and aren't they hard to ascertain given my immense talent for hiding my true feelings?), I'd still like to give Schweitzer a gentle talking-to. I know that the whole Plain Talking-Bolo Tie Wearing-Straight Shooter thing suits him, and most of the time, I am totally into it. But this time, just weeks before one of the most important elections I can remember, Bolo Brian should have held his tongue. All he has succeeded in doing is urging to the polls people I'd rather see stay home. And he's probably guaranteed that the vile Roger "I'll Make You Get a Death Certificate After Your Miscarriage" Koopman will be re-elected.
After all, we're not going to be able to change anything if the FCs continue to control the country. Go read Matt Taibbi's latest expose in Rolling Stone for exactly why it's so important that we do change things. (I swear that I'm not on Taibbi's payroll. I know I recommend his articles all the time, but I just can't help it. I'm a total Taibbi convert.) Here's a teaser:
"The 109th Congress is so bad that it makes you wonder if democracy is a failed experiment," says Jonathan Turley, a noted constitutional scholar and the Shapiro Professor of Public Interest Law at George Washington Law School. "I think that if the Framers went to Capitol Hill today, it would shake their confidence in the system they created. Congress has become an exercise of raw power with no principles -- and in that environment corruption has flourished. The Republicans in Congress decided from the outset that their future would be inextricably tied to George Bush and his policies. It has become this sad session of members sitting down and drinking Kool-Aid delivered by Karl Rove. Congress became a mere extension of the White House."
Please, Brian, I'm begging you. Don't rally the troops we don't want--even if it is in remarks that under normal circumstances and in a normal country would not raise a single eyebrow. Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball, because I know you are as tired of being under Happy Fun Ball's control as I am.