Via Shakesville comes this horrifying little tete-a-tete originally reported by Canada's Globe and Mail:
Justice Antonin Scalia is one of the most powerful judges on the planet.
The job of the veteran U.S. Supreme Court judge is to ensure that the superpower lives up to its Constitution. But in his free time, he is a fan of 24, the popular TV drama where the maverick federal agent Jack Bauer routinely tortures terrorists to save American lives. This much was made clear at a legal conference in Ottawa this week.
Senior judges from North America and Europe were in the midst of a panel discussion about torture and terrorism law, when a Canadian judge's passing remark - "Thankfully, security agencies in all our countries do not subscribe to the mantra 'What would Jack Bauer do?' " - got the legal bulldog in Judge Scalia barking.
The conservative jurist stuck up for Agent Bauer, arguing that fictional or not, federal agents require latitude in times of great crisis. "Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles. ... He saved hundreds of thousands of lives," Judge Scalia said. Then, recalling Season 2, where the agent's rough interrogation tactics saved California from a terrorist nuke, the Supreme Court judge etched a line in the sand.
"Are you going to convict Jack Bauer?" Judge Scalia challenged his fellow judges. "Say that criminal law is against him? 'You have the right to a jury trial?' Is any jury going to convict Jack Bauer? I don't think so.
Words fail me. Really. Somebody needs to have a little downtime in a holding cell at CTU, perhaps learning exactly what is fact and what is fiction. Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles on television, Mr. Justice. Television. You know, that glowing blue box in your living room? Or maybe the problem is that it's in your chambers.
I think we're looking at some radical detox here. So hand over the box set of the first five seasons, Justice Scalia. And let go of that Tivo with the last season taped on it. It was a terrible season, anyway. You won't miss it.
Don't make us ask you twice. If you don't hand them over, we just might have to put you on a plane to a Chinese prison where they won't let you cut your hair or shave your beard and will commit unspeakable tortures against you but will paradoxically keep you in good enough shape to enable to you to save the world mere hours after your poorly bargained release.