I'm pro-choice. In theory, that means I don't give a rat's ass what you choose to do with your uterus, as long as you're choosing it. In practice, I'm having a harder time being neutral about all choices. Of course I'm referring to reports that the woman who gave birth to octuplets already had six children and did fertility treatments to achieve this most recent spectacular (and not in a good way) pregnancy. I'm having a helluva time with the judginess I'm feeling.
Specifically, what in the hell is a woman who already has SIX CHILDREN doing having fertility treatments?!?!?! I mean, I'm just not sure I can understand the decision of a woman to implant that many embryos when she already has six children. It's batshit crazy and unbelievably selfish besides. I mean, doesn't it seem unlikely that adding eight babies to an existing childset of six is in the best interests of all involved? Especially when your husband is a goddamn private contracter in a warzone?!?! I mean, what would happen to her if she had to handle this blessing as a single mother?
Of course, many of these reports have yet to be verified. The mother's identity is still a closely guarded secret, so there's no way to know whether it's true that the family declared bankruptcy two years ago. Or that they're receiving government assistance. Or that the oldest of the other six children is only seven years old.
Sweet Baby Corn.
I just can't hold off on the judgment anymore.
This fetishization of families with huge numbers of children is driving me up the wall. I don't care if it's Jon and Kate and their eight or that wackadoo family in Arkansas with 18 kids or even Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopting or having kids every time you turn around. I'm not prepared to say that people shouldn't have large families--because, again, I'm pro-choice--but the wisdom of going beyond a certain number or without having sufficient spacing seems, well, questionable in this day and age.
It was one thing back in my great-grandmother's day. She had 17 pregnancies and 11 kids who made it to adulthood (my mom will correct me on those numbers if I've goofed)--in other words, a huge number of offspring. Such families were not uncommon then, given the woeful odds that faced babies and children in that era. And if my great-grandmother had stopped at a smaller number, I wouldn't even be here, given that my mom's dad was one of the last of the kids to arrive.
But today, I just can't get behind a woman being pregnant every 10 to 15 months--or having eight kids at a time. Women's bodies need time to heal, and babies need time to be the focal point, for at least a while. My grandfather always contended that in his family, the only kids who got parented were the first few--the rest were raised by their siblings. That, to me, is inexcusable. Kids should have responsibilities, but they should not be junior parents. It's not fair to anyone involved.
Not that I can foresee that happening with the octuplets. At seven, the eldest can't even be left on his or her own, much less look after anyone else. But you can't tell me that he or she--and the five other kids this family already had--are going to be adequately parented after those octuplets come home. I have seen some amazing moms and dads with relatively large families, but I don't think even they could cope with those odds.
My own personal bias has always been not to allow Chip and me to be outnumbered by our kids. Seems dangerous somehow. That said, twins (and triplets) sometimes happen, and I'd usually see that as a blessing. But even as pro-choice as I am, I can't see how bringing octuplets into an existing family of six can be anything but a nightmare. For everyone.