Livingston, I Presume

Not my words

I'm stunned that Maine has turned out to be not a place where people live and let live but somewhere that people sit in judgment on others' relationships. For all my sadness about this outcome, however, I am still just a straight person stewing in my own privilege to love and marry the person I wanted to, to have children with him without fear of having them taken from one of us, to be at his side in a time of need (or have him at mine) with no questions asked. The best I can ever hope is to be a good ally, and I can't speak for anyone other than myself.

For some thoughts from someone personally affected by the small-mindedness of others, I want to offer the "blessing" that Jack, a longtime friend of Chip's who has also become my friend, posted on Facebook. I have reposted it here with his permission.

A Word to Opponents of Gay Marriage

May you all be blessed to know and love a gay person, perhaps a sibling, a cousin, or child of yours.
May you all be blessed to have the strength of character to admit that your votes have harmed a person you love, and beg that person's forgiveness.
May you be blessed to receive that forgiveness.
May you be blessed to work to change your world for the better when your eyes have finally opened.

Jack did a reading at our wedding 11 years ago, and he and his husband, Johnathan, both sang at that celebration. They were married last year just before California voters approved Proposition 8, leaving them in a bizarre legal limbo. They have been together as a couple for almost the exact same amount of time that Chip and I have. It is unbelievable to me that "majority rules" can be applied to the civil rights of the two of them and of other couples like them.

Shame on Maine. I can only hope that in the not-so-distant future, people will look back at this chapter of our history as we do at the anti-miscegenation laws of the past--with contempt and disbelief.

Edited to add, quoting Melissa McEwan at Comment is Free:

John Rogers once noted that "when the Supreme Court struck down the bans against interracial marriage in [1967] through [Loving v. Virginia], 72% of Americans were against interracial marriage. As a matter of fact, approval of interracial marriage in the US didn't cross the positive threshold until – sweet God – 1991".

That's exactly 30 years after our current president was born to an interracial couple.

Just in time for the holidays

Dan and Audrey are showing impeccable timing with the launch of their online store for Uncornered Market. If you're anything like me, your Christmas shopping is in, shall we say, a nascent stage, and you're in desperate need of a source for unique gifts for your loved ones. Look no further. The photos are great, and the content will please everyone on your list--from the gourmets to the gardeners.

(Please note that this is not a paid endorsement. Except that when Dan and Audrey do eventually return to the United States, I will expect them to cook us a nice dinner like they used to when we all lived in Prague. They just don't know it yet.)

Happy shopping!

Travelers, not tourists

I quietly added Uncornered Market to my blogroll a couple of weeks ago and have been meaning to write up a little recommendation for it. Since most of the United States will be spending the weekend either: a) sweating b) hiding in air conditioning or c) hiding in the basement wishing for air conditioning, I thought now would be a good time. You can only watch so many movies, you know.

Anyway, Uncornered Market is the closest thing Dan and Audrey--friends of ours from Prague--have to a home right now. They embarked on what most of us would call the adventure of a lifetime--a year to 18 months of traveling around the world--earlier this year and have been writing, taking pictures and video, and posting about the whole shebang. It's the kind of site that will make you wonder why it is that you are reading blogs and not, say, being driven around by mad, drunk Georgians or boarding buses filled with Iranians or taking 10-day jaunts to Turkmenistan. (Why aren't you? Huh?)

Dan and Audrey are the kind of travelers that most of us wish we were. They're flexible, ready to rough it, and absolutely committed to seeing the "real" in any country. They aren't searching for the McDonald's or the Starbucks because they're too busy charming the locals into finding the best places to eat and drink. And with their site, they are putting together an amazing collection of information about places that most people will never see.

Have fun exploring!

Friends, fasting, and Fiddler

Given our normal weekend plans (stay home and watch DVDs, perhaps visit Bozeman, grocery shop), this weekend was jam-packed with activity. On Friday night we had dinner with Jen and Duncan and their two kids and thoroughly enjoyed watching the kids interact. Connery later told us that they had been in the tee-pee to "hide from the parentses." It's good to know that has started already.

On Saturday, Chip and I were trying a "spring cleaning fast," an idea borne from the concept that springtime is a perfect time to take a break from food and detox your body from the many pesticides, additives, and other all-around yuckiness that daily life provides. The plan was to do a modified juice fast for 36 hours starting Friday night in which we would consume numerous 8-ounce glasses of "master cleanser" made of water, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper and nothing else. Let me just say that as bad as that sounds, it tastes worse.

We managed to choke down two glasses before we headed to Belgrade to look at neighborhoods. If the lack of food and lingering taste of cayenne wasn't enough to make us depressed, Belgrade was. I've never seen so many connecting driveways and so few trees in my life. True, there was evidence of young families everywhere, and it seemed safe enough, but I don't think we left Prague to find ourselves cheek-to-jowl with every other young family in the Gallatin Valley. By the time we got home, we were hungry, dispirited, and suffering from caffeine headaches, but more fun awaited.

Part of the spring cleaning was to do a half hour in the sauna to encourage those toxins to flee. Chip went first, and he came back looking pretty good. I had fallen asleep while he was there--my body apparently unable to function without food--but I headed to the sauna anyway. When I first got in there, I was feeling pretty good. I mean, it was only 80 degrees! How bad could it be? Then I noticed it was 80 degrees CELSIUS, i.e. 160 degrees F. I managed to make it 22 of my scheduled 30 minutes and got out with the express intention of not fainting and possibly hurling.

By the time I drove home in my fog and stumbled into the house, I was pretty sure that I wasn't going to make our 36-hour mark, especially as I contemplated drinking more of our master cleanser. It didn't take too much to convince Chip to throw it over, so we nibbled on some pita and hummus and started to feel immeasurably better. So much for detox...

On Sunday, we had planned to take Connery for a little swim, but we woke up to snow and so decided against it. That afternoon we dropped him off at Chad and Amy's to play with their two little boys while we went to see Fiddler on the Roof in Bozeman. It was nice to see live theater, and the production was really impressive, except for the performance in a certain key role. I don't want to turn this into a local review site so I won't say anything more, except to add that if I had been in the cast, I would have tried very hard to arrange an accident for that player before opening night--non-fatal and not serious of course, but big enough to prevent that person from taking the stage. Given the accomplishment of the rest of the production, it was a shame to have it sullied. Overall, though, it was still an enjoyable few hours, and it seemed to go by very quickly, except when that person was singing.

When we returned to Chad and Amy's to pick up Connery, he had decided he wanted to stay there and be adopted so that he could play there forever. He had a great time and was more or less ready to collapse from exhaustion the second we got home. Mission accomplished!

Good mail day!

It was a snail-mail excitement extravaganza at our house today! The long-awaited April 18th issue of Woman's Day containing my first-ever story in a major U.S. publication arrived, and there was my story, right on the first page of the Kid's Day section. While I didn't get a mention in the table of contents, the story did! It is on newsstands now for anyone who wants to have a look (page 117!).

The other arrival was a little surprise from my friend Lanny, who has been working at Starbucks as a recruiter for a few months now. He mentioned a while ago that he might send us some coffee, and today in the mail was 16 beautiful ounces of whole-bean Espresso Roast, just for us! And such perfect timing, since Chip ran out of coffee this morning.

I can only think that good things will come from this happy mail convergence.

Much better, thank you

Dad is on the mend, finally, after the emergency surgery and enough collective worry on the part of his family and friends to keep 100 Titanics afloat. I even called in the major reinforcements on Friday--Mary and Chris--because I just needed to talk with some people who have known me and my family since I was in early elementary school. I'm always grateful at these times that I had the kind of childhood that allows me to still have friends who first met me when we were both 4. Chip, who grew up in all kinds of different places, thinks its a little odd (but perhaps secretly cool) that I can summon up these people going back 30 years or more.

We were hoping that Connery and I would be able to stay into the week, but The Boy woke up with a cough this morning, which would have meant potential contagion and the unappealing prospect of dealing with a sick toddler without the normal arsenal of the familiar. So we came home this afternoon. Both Chip and I were so tired that neither of us should have been driving. Connery refused to nap during the trip. Perhaps we should teach him to drive so that we could have caught a few winks.

Calls unexpected, welcome, and unwelcome

I heard from two people I wasn't expecting to today. One was good, the other not so great.

Chris is a friend of mine from kindergarten. Really. We've known each other literally since we were about four years old. His parents still live just up the block from mine in Great Falls. He's one of a handful of people that I went to school with from kindergarten through senior year and the only one I keep up with in any meaningful fashion. Chris also helped me survive grad school by virtue of having a toll-free work number where I could reach him from the pay phone in the library. Taxpayers of Montana, I apologize, for there were not many conversations on this line involving admission to Montana State University. Chris was nice enough to take my calls when I'm sure that I wasn't too much fun to talk with, given my general depressed graduate school state of mind. My mother, the other possessor of a toll-free line during this time in my life, does not recall it fondly. I can still picture the spot in the Cross Campus Library where I always made my calls to Chris. I would bargain with myself about reading a few more pages in my economics text or a few more exercises in my Czech homework and THEN I could call. Worked relatively well. He later paid me back for the at-work ramblings by calling my place of business and telling the receptionist things like he was my priest. Now, Chris is my friend with the most interesting job of all the people I know. He's a singing gondolier link at The Venetian in Las Vegas.

Anyway, Chris called out of the blue today and told me he's coming to Montana for the Cat-Griz game this weekend. We're hoping to be able to see each other for the first time in years, which would be great.

While I was gabbing with Chris, I got a voice mail from my cousin Amy, who is also my lifelong friend. Her mom, my Aunt Peg, has suffered from emphysema for a long time. Her health has been bad for quite some time, but she has quite quickly taken a turn for the worse. She is in hospice care in Helena, so Connery and I will be driving there tomorrow to meet my parents and try to lend support. Peg is one of the most gentle and loving people I've ever known, and my heart breaks for my cousins. It's far too early for any of us to be losing parents.