Livingston, I Presume

I'm a shoe!

A shoe I do not like, sure, but still. I present to you:

Running errand's can be hecticthe Ritter is your saving grace. Our flexible fore-part will give your feet the comfort they need to go all day long. The oh-so-soft loose lined leather upper is unbelievably comfortableyou will not want to take this off. Lace up leather and suede oxford with flexible rubber bottom. 3 > '' heel with a = '' platform.

Apparently I am made in Brazil, which is surprising. And apparently my manufacturers do not share my keen grasp of grammatical principles. Running errand's what I do not know. But I'm pleased to know that I can be someone's saving grace.

What abstinence-only has wrought

I had a visitor to my blog yesterday who arrived via the following search string:

"i was rubbing against him while i was dancing could i be pregnant"

First of all, let me speak directly to this person in case she should she choose to visit again:

Unless you were rubbing your naked naughties directly on top of his naked naughties, you're almost certainly not pregnant. One of the cruel things that you will discover when you are older and actually *want* to get pregnant is that--for a lot of women, anyway--it's really not as easy to get pregnant as you might think. Still, if you think you and the "him" in question might want to do something other than rub-dance at some point in the future, could I just beg you now to talk to your parents or another trusted adult? At least go visit WebMD. Even if you have no intention of going any further than dancing, you owe it to yourself to learn how everything goes together and how you can prevent untoward happenings such as disease and--yes--pregnancy.

Lecture done. Still, it gravels my ass to think of a poor, scared girl frantically Googling to try to answer a question she should already have the answer to. I'm a believer in the absolute terror of an accidental pregnancy as the primary method of birth control in teens--worked like a charm for me, heaven knows--but anyone who is worried that removing the dictionary-sized space* between her and her boyfriend at the school dance is just not getting the information she needs to make informed choices. As a society, we shouldn't be pawning off our responsibility for providing that information to search engines.

Oh, and person looking for "slutty eskimos"? You're on your own.

*See dances, Mormon

Weirdest search yet

I think most bloggers can't resist checking their traffic and where it comes from. Oh, sure, we play cool, but we all want to know how people are finding us. A lot of people come here after searching for the famous phrase that is my blog's title, and a lot of others come through "Prague" and "birth" searches. Jay sends me a lot of traffic as well.

In addition to these, I've had some pretty *ahem* unusual google search strings bring people here. Today's takes the cake, however.

"Pipe insulation masturbation"

I'm trying very hard not to think about that.

When a good Google goes bad...

To the vast right-wing conspiracy keeping tabs on my Internet use: The results that one gets when searching for hygiene advice for bath toys is likely going to be skewed when one types "cleaning rubber dick" instead of "cleaning rubber duck."

I'm just saying.